Look Up

When I was still chained to a computer 5 days a week, what made cubicle incarceration worthwhile is facing a blank Wordpress blog template and filling it up with my thoughts. Sometimes they come tumbling out by themselves in an outpouring of joy or angst or fear or gratitude. Often, I find myself groping for words, struggling to make them flow just so, carefully putting them together then deleting everything and starting all over again. And again.

There are times though when I just can’t think of anything to post. When writer’s block rears its ugly head, I go through my blog links hoping to be inspired by what my friends have posted.

Like this brilliant idea called Truth Thursdays which has been going on since May here. And this is my version:

My body is holding onto….

My body is holding onto the feel of kawayan slats and the thin mattress beneath my back and the way grass pokes through my clothes as I gazed at the starry night. My body wants to hold on to its former size but failed (no regerets). My ears are holding onto the sound of their laughter, cries, and sweet voices in harmony. My eyes hold onto their smiles, tears, exaggerated action songs and faces.

My body is holding onto that eureka moment when I first taught and shared and connected. I tightly hold onto 6 years of prayers and visions, dreams and revelations. My faith is holding onto the rock so that I can go against the flow.

I am holding onto the way you said my name.

My body is holding back….

My body is holding back my best for fear that even that is still not good enough. I’m holding back my heart because I don’t want it to get bruised and bleeding and broken. I’m holding back cruel words that I long to hurl like weapons because others will end up bruised and bleeding and broken.

My thoughts are held back because they may lead somewhere I do not want to be.  My body is holding back its excitement because this may just be too good to be true. My love is held back because goodbyes always come and hurt a lot.

I am holding back from missing you.

My worries for today…

Too much time and not enough money. Too many words and not enough deeds. Too much power and not enough responsibility. Too much emotions and not enough thoughts. Too many expectations and not enough guidance. Too much talent and not enough focus. Too much, too soon.

Adjustment and new beginnings. Flying cockroaches, broken zippers and missing keys. How comfort zones can come and go in the blink of an eye. Old cellphones with cracked screens and flash disks with Trojan horses. Martha syndrome and my tendency to go to either extreme. 

I worry that I may will leave you behind.

Today I carry…

The soft, squirmy, fragile bundle cradled her in my arms. Inhaled and held in the sweet scent of milk of newborn’s breath. I carried and rocked her until the soft wails turn into big-eyed silence as she gazed up at me. Today I carried the first of our family’s next generation. Today I carried the future.

Today I carry their stories in trust, names and details bound in silence for safety’s sake. Today I carry a piece of paper that tells me where I’ll be for the next semester. Today I carry their schedules with the understanding that we commit to come together and have fellowship. Today I carry the knowledge that in him all things are possible. Today I carry hope.

I carry you in my heart today and always.

And for a while at least, I carry this song:

As If We Never Said Goodbye
Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don’t know why I’m frightened
I know my way around here
The cardboard trees
The painted seas
The sound here
Yes, a world to rediscover
But I’m not in any hurry
And I need a moment

I’m in Tarlac for the next week or so…voluntary exile from the hustle and buste of city life. Here are the things I appreciated in the real world, post Kawayan Camp:

1. Seeing my grades in my first year in grad school… amazing.

2. Staying at our rooftop and being tossed about in my hammock in Signal#2 winds.

3.My dad’s 58th birthday.

4. Remembering the laughing trip I had with four IVPM friends last Tuesday and realizing that it’s been exactly a year since we met.

5. A REAL vacation and coming home.

I don’t own a camera and I am totally clueless about documentation. I have ample cause to regret it when I look back at my recent spate of out of town trips and activities the past few months. So here’s something that I hope I can learn within 2008:

from http://bongkiko.blogspot.com/

SPEED video
I developed a course on video production and called it SPEED video -
Producing Strategic, Practical, Effective, Exciting and Do-able Videos

This Five-day course dynamically integrates these three essential elements of video production – 1) skills and techniques in photo-video recording, 2) tools and principles of video editing using simple software (e.g., Movie Maker and ULEAD), and 3) key ingredients of creative Story telling. Specifically, the course will focus on producing short videos (less than 10 minutes) for various purposes like documenting events, program summary, project highlights, personal accomplishments, and others. All these contents will be taught using Dialogue Education principles and approaches.

We initially offered it in Davao where we had 9 participants from a LGU. We are also setting to schedule a run in Quezon City, Cagayan De Oro, Iloilo and Cebu in the coming months
So, who will benefit from this course?
This course was designed to benefit groups who can use short videos for various purposes. These groups include: local Government Units, Government Agencies, Non Government Organizations, Local churches, church and mission organizations, Foundations and Civic Groups, Schools, Colleges and universities, and others.

and who may attend the course?
Any adult - ages 18 up - can. The participant must have, sufficient working knowledge on basic computer software program (i.e. Word), and an attitude and desire to learn. Participants are limited to maximum of 20 only.
To benefit the most are Program managers, officers and staff who participate in various events, monitors programs and other work-related initiatives. Anyone who needs to come up with a short but powerful summary that highlights the “essentials” without spending so much time and resources on the technical and tedious process usually involved in video production.
What are other requirements?
Each participant or pair* must bring the following:
1. a digital Camera and /or video Camera (preference on digital Camera with Audio-Video recording mode and I GB of memory card )
2. Laptop with at least 512 MB of RAM (higher would be better) and Windows XP
3. Samples of digital photos and video recordings (prints and/or soft copies – i.e., digital files)
4. a Flash drive/memory stick /thumb drive/ memory card with 512 MB minimum capacity
* - Note: it is best to have 2 participants coming from the same organization so they can work as a pair.

These are what some of the participants in our maiden offering in Davao have to say about the course:
“The course was amazing and the process used was fundamental and in layman terms. Thanks to Boyet Ongkiko for making things easy for us”
“I’ve realized the power of SPEED in delivering messages to target audience.”

“I see myself as a creator of SPEED Videos which conveys the life of farmer-beneficiaries, including the landowners too.”
“Now I can produce my own video of family and friends’ activities as gift for any celebration.”
“Useful for training activities”

“The Method used in imparting the skills and experience is fun and effective.”

“It will be very useful and applicable for our PROGRAMS in 2008 which will focus on profiling our 86 Barangays”

“The technique and way in producing videos in a short time – that is SPEED Video”
For interested groups, email:
The Director – Strategic Training Unit
eklipse.is@gmail.com

For other inquiries send text to:
09209226840

Kawayan Camp 2008 is over. How do I put a month’s worth of memories into words? 

Let me count instead the ways I encountered God in the ricefields of Negros.

• Each time I gazed at the starry sky or at a blazing sunset and marvel at their beauty.

• The only time I did a serious Spritual Retreat and finally was able to discern what I should do next.

• Each time the rain stopped long enough for us to do our special events outdoors without getting soaked.

• Each memory verse that reminded me of who God is and who I am in Him.

• The deep and not so deep conversations I had with the campers, my fellow counselors and the staffworkers about life, calling, love, and leading.

• Each step of the 1.5 km hike along the muddy ant-infested pilapil in pitch darkness. 

• That last night during the Community immersion, when I prayed for the lola in our host family and I understood her straight Hiligaynon without knowing how.

• Each station we designed for the Missions Night Amazing Race and how the questions challenged my readiness and willingness to do ministry.

• The many times I inadvertently hurt someone with my words and then realized how amazing grace is.

• Each hug and warm embrace I gave and received, and the trust willingly given and carefully kept in our cabin and small group discussions.

• The tears I shed as I watched The Kite-Runner.

• Each of the 60 testimonies from the campers of their own encounters with God during KC.

• The night after the campers left and I said to myself: It’s less than 24 hours and there are cobwebs in our cabin already…. I miss the kids.

• Each time we sang this song:

Knowing You Jesus

C G/B Am   F    C              F    G C
All I once held dear, built my life upon,
    G/B  Am    F C         Am      G
All this world reveres and wars to own;
C     F    G       C   C/E     F   G   Am/C
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
      G/B Am   F    C      Am       Gsus4
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

G       F6   C    F/G  G    C
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
      Am    Em/G    F
There is no greater thing.
          C/E             F/A
You’re my all, You’re the best,
          C/G              F/A
You’re my joy, my righteousness,
      C/E      F/A    C/G   G
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart’s desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. — Philippians 3:7-11

For You, Lord, a thousand times over.

 Half a month into Kawayan Camp, I am: 

1. sunburned and evading bugs that bite 
2. speaking English a lot… saken naassign yung Korean na camper e
3. very well-fed and am among the few counselors NOT on a diet and still eating rice everything
4. learning to understand (and speak?) Hiligaynon and Cebuano
5. back to wearing a tubao and baggy clothes
6. falling asleep 0-5 seconds after lying down
7. having a breather from special events… but wait, there is more next week!!!
8. appreciating siesta time
9. enjoying throwing questions at my students about OIA (inductive Bible Study)
10. in demand for my massages
11. washing a lot of dishes while singing Sunday school songs
12. realizing the difficulty of keeping teenagers attentive. the secret is to feed them well
13. chasing the paka, the tuko, and the pabo
14. having KC reunions with West V people after 5 years (waaah Jason at last!!!)
15. doing a lot of praying (please Lord don’t let it rain…)
16. thanking God that I am with Kuya Mark and Vina (boom!)
17. being reminded of lessons learned about personhood, KOG, LCMS, etc.
18. memorizing memory verses creatively… i especially liked like this one:

I lift up my eyes to the hills –
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

It’s my day off as a counselor for a one-month concentration camp, er, intensive leadership training camp here in Negros. This summer, I am simply overwhelmed with everything that happened the last 2 weeks of March…

9 days before I went to Bacolod: On my last day at work, overnight parteeh at my officemate’s house with Team Funcit Canton; camwhoring and food galore! I miss them already.

8 days before I went to Bacolod: I spent the Holy Week vegetating in Tarlac with my family. Had a surprise visit from Frozti and reread my beloved pockebooks. 

3 days before I went to Bacolod:I was able to finish all my requirements for my MA finals in just 3 days… and I got a happy surprise from my teacher about my discourse analysis. =)

2 days before I went to Bacolod:Then off to Tagaytay for a weekend summer retreat with IVPM. Aside from the challenge of organizing that event on a limited time frame, there were a lot of bounses. Spent 3 hours stargazing on Sarurday night and saw 7 shooting stars. Also went to Tagaytay Highlands for lunch… I am now inspired to become rich. Hehehe. I also memorized the covenant of affirmation. After Tagaytay, I went to Makati with my big backpack and spent the night with my kcmates for a reunion in honor of Em2. Masarap palang iulam ang crabsticks…

The day before I went to Bacolod, I had a massage, met with my triad and watched Bucket List.

 For two weeks: Average of 4 hours sleep and the realization that I still do not know how to travel light. Overwhelmed with activities too.

NOW. It’s the last 30 minutes before I go back to the campsite, an hour away from the city. Back to Camp Humayan and the trees, the grass, the sunset and the stars, the ifugao house, the faraway CR, no TV or computers, lots of food, lots of people, special events planning, staying up late, waking up early, sweeping a never-ending supply of leaves, washing dishes, being an ate and counselor, being a Tagalog outnumbered by Visayan and Hiligaynon speakers, massages and hugs, and the start of a month of being responsible.

Tomorrow is the first day of Kawayan Camp 2008, and our theme is Si Hesu Kristo: ang ating simula, ating kaganapan. This is also the 50th year that IVCF has been conducting this camp. I am both excited and scared. Not just because it’s my first time to be a counselor, but because of the crossroads I see coming. But despite the pressure and mixed emotions, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Five years ago, He spoke to me in the mountains of Cebu. Now, He is about to let me  witness something truly magnificent.

But wait, there’s more! KC reunion with the West V people mid April. Haha!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e.e. cummings-

you know who you are…

On a less sentimental note: I am now jobless, about to cram for finals week, and penniless. I also spent 3 days in the “sleeping house,” an overnight with my former officemates in my dream house in Antipolo (hehe), and another overnight at the dormitory extension in VitoCruz.

And next week, I’m off to Tagaytay for a weekend retreat and then to Bacolod for a month and a half.

Want to come with me?

“The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meets.” Friedrich Buechner.

I have lost count of the times I have used this quote in my blog, while writing my QT, scribbled on my bible cover, as a text encouragement for a fellow QLC sufferer, and more. Probably because repetition means emphasis; the more important it is, the more you should reiterate it. Another term for “that place where God calls me” is my sweet spot. It is that special task that I am especially designed for, where I can have the most impact, and where I can most glorify God. 

I got an inkling of that last Saturday, during the IVCF new graduates retreat. IVPM Makati  invited me and a friend last week to do a marketplace orientation for a small group of college seniors. Nothing fancy, just tips on how to write a resume, sell yourself in an interview, and how to determine your career path. We also let the students grill us on our previous experience as recruiters and shared some tips for the job search. It was fun drawing ideas from the students, tactfully correcting misconceptions and seeing their eyes light up at new learnings. If  nothing else, I hope we’veemphasized that a job is not all about the money. In the midst of 4 hours of talking, being stared at by a crowd, the heat and humidity, lack of sleep, and short preparation time, a light bulb flashed in my head.

This is it, Lord. This is my sweet spot.

Now being without you

Takes a lot of getting used to

Should learn to live with it

But I dont want to

Living without you

Is all a big mistake

Instead of getting easier

It’s the hardest thing to take

Im addicted to ya babe

You’re a hard habit to break

5 days….

For a slow Thursday are:

1. Witnessing a friend encounter God and realizing that John 3:16 is self-explanatory.

2. Anticipating my first niece (a doll! yehey!).

3. Receiving a farewell letter with from a person who made the past year worth it.

I’ve been to the videoke 3x the past month. I miss singing. I miss the choir. So I channel it into screaming renditions of Fame and I will survive. There is such sweet satisfaction in hitting those high notes and getting tricky timing right. It’s a happy bonus that I happened to be with people who have great singing voices on all those videoke escapades.
For now, I favor Patti Austin, especially this song. I wonder why…

In My Life

Although music is sweet
But the song incomplete
Now in my life,
Boy in my life
Something is missing
It’s the truth, yes it’s true
Still there’s no me and you
Here in my life
Boy in my life
Something is missing
In my life there ain’t no melody oh no
In my life there ain’t no harmony
To let me sing a song
All I need is a cue when I’m waiting for you
Boy in my life
You are the melody
Coz in my life
You are the song
Baby, in my life
You are the song
You are my melody
To me baby, in my life
You are my song