Here’s a sample of my fishies:

I wish I can move back to 924. I wish it were 2010 already. I wish that I can get past the QLC confusion and just live.

I wish I had an 8-day week. I wish academic papers wrote themselves. I wish the library would stay open until midnight. I wish our grades were 99% class participation. I wish classes before 12 noon disappear. And that I’ll stop procastinating and filling my schedule to bursting.

I wish I can eat all I want and not suffer the consequences. I wish I had a body clock. I wish I can motivate myself to exercise more.  I wish my allergies would just go away. And that contact lenses aren’t so uncomfortable.

I wish I had a coffee press, black boots and a laser printer. I wish I knew how to pick my own clothes. I really, really wish I had a laptop with wifi. I wish I owned all my favorite books in hardcover with those wonderful glossy colored jackets.

I wish I can watch Twilight. And Lea Salonga perform as Cinderella. And Les Miserables in Broadway. Or just attend a musical theater worskhop.

But some of my wishes have come true. Here are some of the fishes I’ve caught:

I went to Cebu 5 years ago and to Bacolod last summer and in both instances, witnessed something truly magnificent. I’m studying in Diliman and reading a lot. I’m attending Life-Growth, a one year Bible course, which miraculously did not conflict with my schedule. I have a baby to harass play with adore (a little early though). As of this week, I have tutorial students again and thus a parttime job. I’m on better terms with her now. I have an official accountability triad, after 5 years. I can now sing alto without being drowned by my choirmates. My wisdom teeth are gone, happiness! Another wish granted: belonging here and there for 8 years now.

The past 3 years have also given me this: I know what I’m not supposed to do and where I’m not supposed to be. Whatever people may say to the contrary.

I now have more than an inkling of what I’ll do for the next two years. And a lot of exciting hints on what comes after that. 

*******
Did an overhaul of my schedule. Let go of many and kept only a few. Sorry for the drastic change, but it is needed for my sanity.

 We had one of our semi-regular KC reunions in Makati last week in honor of a friend from Cagayan de Oro. As usual, the talk turned to memories of the camp, which led to another quotable quote from one of my kuyas:

“Don’t check my grammar, check your feelings!!!”

This made me think of something I learned in Educ class. Studies show that parents rarely correct their children’s grammatical errors; instead, they check the “truth value” of what the kids say. For example, when a little girl said “Daddy buyed me a present yesterday,” the mother would just reply “No, sweetie, Daddy bought you a present last week.” She corrected her daughter’s statement about time, not the little girl’s use of the past tense.

I realize that I have been so busy checking the grammar of my life recently, trying to create order out of an unstructured life. Edited the redundant things and proofread the unneccesary words and typos to make my discourse sound and look good. Set deadlines, made to-do-lists, budgeted resources and got caught up in the quest for a life that would follow the rules. Once again, I fell into the trap of focusing on the wrong things.

I’ll skip the grammar and go straight to the heart of the matter. Not just checking my feelings, but reminding myself of my values and His truths.

Here is my Spirit-check:

I want to learn.
I want to teach.
I want to share.
I want to express myself.
I want to live out stories.
I want to be a tentmaker.
I want to be part of small beginnings.
I want to create things of beauty.
I want to belong to something greater.
I want to love and be loved.

I want to know God and enjoy Him forever.

Sometimes I like to wake up very early in the morning. I love the feel of thedawn chill and dewy grass, the sight of stabilo-bright sunrise and the rapid fire chirping of the birds. I crave the silence and listening to the slow build up of noise as the rest of the world wakes up. Usually, though, I wake up in time for lunch.
Sometimes I like watching TV. Say, once a year.
Sometimes I need to be alone. To wallow in my thoughts and catalog the things I need/want/cannot do, figure out the next steps and make schedules and lists that last all of two weeks. Sometimes, I get this urge to be away from people. Watch a movie, speed-read books or take a long walk all by myself. Normally, I am surrounded and engulfed in a group. 
Sometimes I enjoy math. Especially if the numbers have peso signs before them.
Sometimes I am quiet, even when I am surrounded by friends. Listening and observing people can be fascinating. Other times, I am just too tired to talk and be my usual bubbly self. Sometimes, I feel out of place, disconnected, out of the loop. Very rarely though. Sometimes I know that silence is the best answer.
Sometimes I like shopping, but only under the strict supervision of my more fashionable friends.
Sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything. Sometimes I get tired of being assertive and just want someone else to make the decision for me. Sometimes I just go with the flow.
Sometimes I want to dance. Then I remember that earthquakes are not fun.
Sometimes I feel sad when people say goodbye. Sometimes I feel happy when they leave. Often, I just let them go.
Sometimes I dream that I can fly. 

And sometimes I hear God speak to me so clearly that saying no is not an option. Like now.

There are times though when I just can’t think of anything to post. When writer’s block rears its ugly head, I go through my blog links hoping to be inspired by what my friends have posted.

Like this brilliant idea called Truth Thursdays which has been going on since May here. And this is my version:

My body is holding onto….

My body is holding onto the feel of kawayan slats and the thin mattress beneath my back and the way grass pokes through my clothes as I gazed at the starry night. My body wants to hold on to its former size but failed (no regerets). My ears are holding onto the sound of their laughter, cries, and sweet voices in harmony. My eyes hold onto their smiles, tears, exaggerated action songs and faces.

My body is holding onto that eureka moment when I first taught and shared and connected. I tightly hold onto 6 years of prayers and visions, dreams and revelations. My faith is holding onto the rock so that I can go against the flow.

I am holding onto the way you said my name.

My body is holding back….

My body is holding back my best for fear that even that is still not good enough. I’m holding back my heart because I don’t want it to get bruised and bleeding and broken. I’m holding back cruel words that I long to hurl like weapons because others will end up bruised and bleeding and broken.

My thoughts are held back because they may lead somewhere I do not want to be.  My body is holding back its excitement because this may just be too good to be true. My love is held back because goodbyes always come and hurt a lot.

I am holding back from missing you.

My worries for today…

Too much time and not enough money. Too many words and not enough deeds. Too much power and not enough responsibility. Too much emotions and not enough thoughts. Too many expectations and not enough guidance. Too much talent and not enough focus. Too much, too soon.

Adjustment and new beginnings. Flying cockroaches, broken zippers and missing keys. How comfort zones can come and go in the blink of an eye. Old cellphones with cracked screens and flash disks with Trojan horses. Martha syndrome and my tendency to go to either extreme. 

I worry that I may will leave you behind.

Today I carry…

The soft, squirmy, fragile bundle cradled her in my arms. Inhaled and held in the sweet scent of milk of newborn’s breath. I carried and rocked her until the soft wails turn into big-eyed silence as she gazed up at me. Today I carried the first of our family’s next generation. Today I carried the future.

Today I carry their stories in trust, names and details bound in silence for safety’s sake. Today I carry a piece of paper that tells me where I’ll be for the next semester. Today I carry their schedules with the understanding that we commit to come together and have fellowship. Today I carry the knowledge that in him all things are possible. Today I carry hope.

I carry you in my heart today and always.

And for a while at least, I carry this song:

As If We Never Said Goodbye
Andrew Lloyd Webber

Don’t know why I’m frightened
I know my way around here
The cardboard trees
The painted seas
The sound here
Yes, a world to rediscover
But I’m not in any hurry
And I need a moment

1. Seeing my grades in my first year in grad school… amazing.

2. Staying at our rooftop and being tossed about in my hammock in Signal#2 winds.

3.My dad’s 58th birthday.

4. Remembering the laughing trip I had with four IVPM friends last Tuesday and realizing that it’s been exactly a year since we met.

5. A REAL vacation and coming home.

from http://bongkiko.blogspot.com/

SPEED video
I developed a course on video production and called it SPEED video -
Producing Strategic, Practical, Effective, Exciting and Do-able Videos

This Five-day course dynamically integrates these three essential elements of video production – 1) skills and techniques in photo-video recording, 2) tools and principles of video editing using simple software (e.g., Movie Maker and ULEAD), and 3) key ingredients of creative Story telling. Specifically, the course will focus on producing short videos (less than 10 minutes) for various purposes like documenting events, program summary, project highlights, personal accomplishments, and others. All these contents will be taught using Dialogue Education principles and approaches.

We initially offered it in Davao where we had 9 participants from a LGU. We are also setting to schedule a run in Quezon City, Cagayan De Oro, Iloilo and Cebu in the coming months
So, who will benefit from this course?
This course was designed to benefit groups who can use short videos for various purposes. These groups include: local Government Units, Government Agencies, Non Government Organizations, Local churches, church and mission organizations, Foundations and Civic Groups, Schools, Colleges and universities, and others.

and who may attend the course?
Any adult - ages 18 up - can. The participant must have, sufficient working knowledge on basic computer software program (i.e. Word), and an attitude and desire to learn. Participants are limited to maximum of 20 only.
To benefit the most are Program managers, officers and staff who participate in various events, monitors programs and other work-related initiatives. Anyone who needs to come up with a short but powerful summary that highlights the “essentials” without spending so much time and resources on the technical and tedious process usually involved in video production.
What are other requirements?
Each participant or pair* must bring the following:
1. a digital Camera and /or video Camera (preference on digital Camera with Audio-Video recording mode and I GB of memory card )
2. Laptop with at least 512 MB of RAM (higher would be better) and Windows XP
3. Samples of digital photos and video recordings (prints and/or soft copies – i.e., digital files)
4. a Flash drive/memory stick /thumb drive/ memory card with 512 MB minimum capacity
* - Note: it is best to have 2 participants coming from the same organization so they can work as a pair.

These are what some of the participants in our maiden offering in Davao have to say about the course:
“The course was amazing and the process used was fundamental and in layman terms. Thanks to Boyet Ongkiko for making things easy for us”
“I’ve realized the power of SPEED in delivering messages to target audience.”

“I see myself as a creator of SPEED Videos which conveys the life of farmer-beneficiaries, including the landowners too.”
“Now I can produce my own video of family and friends’ activities as gift for any celebration.”
“Useful for training activities”

“The Method used in imparting the skills and experience is fun and effective.”

“It will be very useful and applicable for our PROGRAMS in 2008 which will focus on profiling our 86 Barangays”

“The technique and way in producing videos in a short time – that is SPEED Video”
For interested groups, email:
The Director – Strategic Training Unit
eklipse.is@gmail.com

For other inquiries send text to:
09209226840

Kawayan Camp 2008 is over. How do I put a month’s worth of memories into words? 

Let me count instead the ways I encountered God in the ricefields of Negros.

• Each time I gazed at the starry sky or at a blazing sunset and marvel at their beauty.

• The only time I did a serious Spritual Retreat and finally was able to discern what I should do next.

• Each time the rain stopped long enough for us to do our special events outdoors without getting soaked.

• Each memory verse that reminded me of who God is and who I am in Him.

• The deep and not so deep conversations I had with the campers, my fellow counselors and the staffworkers about life, calling, love, and leading.

• Each step of the 1.5 km hike along the muddy ant-infested pilapil in pitch darkness. 

• That last night during the Community immersion, when I prayed for the lola in our host family and I understood her straight Hiligaynon without knowing how.

• Each station we designed for the Missions Night Amazing Race and how the questions challenged my readiness and willingness to do ministry.

• The many times I inadvertently hurt someone with my words and then realized how amazing grace is.

• Each hug and warm embrace I gave and received, and the trust willingly given and carefully kept in our cabin and small group discussions.

• The tears I shed as I watched The Kite-Runner.

• Each of the 60 testimonies from the campers of their own encounters with God during KC.

• The night after the campers left and I said to myself: It’s less than 24 hours and there are cobwebs in our cabin already…. I miss the kids.

• Each time we sang this song:

Knowing You Jesus

C G/B Am   F    C              F    G C
All I once held dear, built my life upon,
    G/B  Am    F C         Am      G
All this world reveres and wars to own;
C     F    G       C   C/E     F   G   Am/C
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
      G/B Am   F    C      Am       Gsus4
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

G       F6   C    F/G  G    C
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
      Am    Em/G    F
There is no greater thing.
          C/E             F/A
You’re my all, You’re the best,
          C/G              F/A
You’re my joy, my righteousness,
      C/E      F/A    C/G   G
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart’s desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ–the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. — Philippians 3:7-11

For You, Lord, a thousand times over.

1. sunburned and evading bugs that bite 
2. speaking English a lot… saken naassign yung Korean na camper e
3. very well-fed and am among the few counselors NOT on a diet and still eating rice everything
4. learning to understand (and speak?) Hiligaynon and Cebuano
5. back to wearing a tubao and baggy clothes
6. falling asleep 0-5 seconds after lying down
7. having a breather from special events… but wait, there is more next week!!!
8. appreciating siesta time
9. enjoying throwing questions at my students about OIA (inductive Bible Study)
10. in demand for my massages
11. washing a lot of dishes while singing Sunday school songs
12. realizing the difficulty of keeping teenagers attentive. the secret is to feed them well
13. chasing the paka, the tuko, and the pabo
14. having KC reunions with West V people after 5 years (waaah Jason at last!!!)
15. doing a lot of praying (please Lord don’t let it rain…)
16. thanking God that I am with Kuya Mark and Vina (boom!)
17. being reminded of lessons learned about personhood, KOG, LCMS, etc.
18. memorizing memory verses creatively… i especially liked like this one:

I lift up my eyes to the hills –
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

9 days before I went to Bacolod: On my last day at work, overnight parteeh at my officemate’s house with Team Funcit Canton; camwhoring and food galore! I miss them already.

8 days before I went to Bacolod: I spent the Holy Week vegetating in Tarlac with my family. Had a surprise visit from Frozti and reread my beloved pockebooks. 

3 days before I went to Bacolod:I was able to finish all my requirements for my MA finals in just 3 days… and I got a happy surprise from my teacher about my discourse analysis. =)

2 days before I went to Bacolod:Then off to Tagaytay for a weekend summer retreat with IVPM. Aside from the challenge of organizing that event on a limited time frame, there were a lot of bounses. Spent 3 hours stargazing on Sarurday night and saw 7 shooting stars. Also went to Tagaytay Highlands for lunch… I am now inspired to become rich. Hehehe. I also memorized the covenant of affirmation. After Tagaytay, I went to Makati with my big backpack and spent the night with my kcmates for a reunion in honor of Em2. Masarap palang iulam ang crabsticks…

The day before I went to Bacolod, I had a massage, met with my triad and watched Bucket List.

 For two weeks: Average of 4 hours sleep and the realization that I still do not know how to travel light. Overwhelmed with activities too.

NOW. It’s the last 30 minutes before I go back to the campsite, an hour away from the city. Back to Camp Humayan and the trees, the grass, the sunset and the stars, the ifugao house, the faraway CR, no TV or computers, lots of food, lots of people, special events planning, staying up late, waking up early, sweeping a never-ending supply of leaves, washing dishes, being an ate and counselor, being a Tagalog outnumbered by Visayan and Hiligaynon speakers, massages and hugs, and the start of a month of being responsible.

Tomorrow is the first day of Kawayan Camp 2008, and our theme is Si Hesu Kristo: ang ating simula, ating kaganapan. This is also the 50th year that IVCF has been conducting this camp. I am both excited and scared. Not just because it’s my first time to be a counselor, but because of the crossroads I see coming. But despite the pressure and mixed emotions, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Five years ago, He spoke to me in the mountains of Cebu. Now, He is about to let me  witness something truly magnificent.

But wait, there’s more! KC reunion with the West V people mid April. Haha!