Entries from August 2010 ↓

So the thesis proposal deadline was moved another week. Reprieve! Which gave me time to get some much needed human interaction with people I love…and thus inspiring this post.

A week before Judgment Day, I thank you for:

helping me exercise grace and the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

letting me realize that this has become a comfort zone… but no longer.

daring me to “sweat a little!” and thus try out badminton for the first time.

the shared agony and the shared (claimed) upcoming victory.

reminding me that it is worth the wait (else what is an MA for?).

the wonderful opportunity and the glowing recommendation.

revealing that the truth can be just as damaging, and some things no longer needed saying (for self protection).

making me feel like an ate again and affirming my call to lead.

both the encouragement and the rebukes, as well as listening to me rant in this thesis journey.

affirming that I do not have to settle for second best.

treating me to coffee and lending a book that was like the light shining in Damascus.

showing me that I am part of your family.

letting me go and grow.

and the inspiration: no matter the heartbreaks and failed expectations, there is always room for love.

“Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;

poor, yet making many rich;

having nothing, yet possessing everything“

2Corinthians 6:10 NIV

It is crunch time… and what am I doing? Writing a non-(hypo)thesis related blog, of course! At the moment I’m running the gamut from optimistic to surprised (see figure above, clockwise) and thus incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together. So I’ll just use ate Charm’s latest fb note to vent:

LAYER 1: BASICS

Current Location: flat
Hair Color: black
Righty/Lefty: righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE

Your fear: being a failure, being hurt and (before) being alone. Now, I’m comfortable in solitude.

Your dream of the perfect date: great conversation, overflowing coffee, watching a musical play/theater performance, stargazing/sunset watch, a long walk, working on a project together… these are options, not all at the same time of course!

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW.

Your first thoughts waking up: what time is it?

Your bedtime: after midnight

Your most missed memory: right now? stargazing during camps/retreats in the provinces

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.

Pepsi or Coke: Coke – this is happiness

McDonald’s or Burger King: Ugh. I don’t like fastfood.

Single or Group Dates: kahit ano basta hindi awkward. =) (agree!)

Adidas or Nike: Neither. I’m not a rubber shoes person. (me too! flipflops for me!)

Chocolate or Vanilla: milk-chocolate

Cappuccino or Coffee: Both. (Pareho namang coffee yun eh. yun isa may foam lang on top hehe) – oo nga naman

LAYER 5: DO YOU..

Smoke: No.

Cuss: what for? sarcasm and euphemisms are so much more effective for letting out steam

Take showers: in the rain? very rarely

Have a crush: of course! hihi. make that plural and  changeable

Like school: Yes, I’m weird that way

Think you’re a health freak: not really

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.

Played a stripping game: eek!

Kissed the same sex: Like beso hello and goodbye? Hindi ba gawain ng mga girls yun? If that’s the case, then yes. But if you’re talking about some other type of kissing, then no. – honga!

Gotten beaten up: not with the intent to harm, more for artistic purposes. i was slapped and shoved in theater/drama scenes,and only got hurt once by accident

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD

Age you’re hoping to be married by: before 30′s i hope because having kids would be difficult after that age… but hey, i just might follow my Mama’s example.

Number of kids you’re planning on having: pinagplaplanuhan pala yun? he he he

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.

Best eye color: amethyst/hazel…sa mga fictional characters because that eye color changes depending on the lighting. in real life, i have no preference.

Hair color: again, in fictional characters i am fascinated by redheads, but in real life, anything goes

Short or long hair: whatever suits personality

Looks or personality: personality. I’m myopic so looks are barely discernible

Fun or serious: depends on the situation… but I’d prefer someone I can laugh with

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING…

1 MINUTE AGO: reading (sigh)

1 HOUR AGO: coffee at McDonald’s Pasong Tamo

1 WEEK AGO: being a substitue teacher

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I FEEL: sleepy and desperately needing motivation to finish what needs to be done. but grateful for all the blessings.

I HATE: people who do not keep their word, as well as those who demand/expect too much

I HIDE: the first thought that comes to mind in the name of tact, friendship, and word peace

I NEED: to GRADUATE ASAP!

I LOVE: I love Jesus!…and YOU with the love of the Lord! (singing)

Wow this is therapeutic! Try nyo din! hehe =)

So maybe
I should be some kind of laundry line.
Hang their things on me
And I will swing, I’m dry.
You just wave in the sun
Through the afternoon
And then see
They come to set you free
Beneath the rising moon…

Right now, I’m not like the wind freely blowing at all; I’m staked out and firmly tied in place by things I chose to do. Work – home – school – church – and my self-imposed limit of 2-events-on-weeknights-only. Staying put, yet flapping in the breeze with a looong laundry list of things to attend to: thesis, books, thesis, writing, thesis, coaching, thesis, research, thesis, darlings, thesis, worksheets, thesis, assessments, thesis, errands, thesis, chores, thesis, hugs, thesis… you get the gist.

Not that I’m complaining. To be honest, I do miss being on the road and the exciting uncertainty of the first half of 2010. This quarter though, I’m beginning to appreciate that there is some sort of comfort in routine. Surprisingly, I now possess a certain calm happiness that only rest (and some occasional bouncing off the walls to expend wanderlust) can bring. After all, God has answered my prayer: I have enough solitude to keep me productive and enough company to keep me sane.

So what’s the point of this entry?

First, I just had to write something non-thesis related since I was told to “Just do it… Produce something.” The unforeseen yet welcome consequence of being part of a bible study for writers.

Second, Don’t Do Sadness from Spring Awakening is my song of the moment because, finally, after several months of moping, I simply refuse to do sadness anymore.

Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
just winging over things
and nothing deep inside.
Nothing going going wild in you,
you know,
you’re slowing by the riverside
or floating high and blue.

Or maybe cool
to be a little summer wind
like once through everything
and then away again.
With the taste of dust
in your mouth all day
but no need to know
like sadness
you just sail away.

Cause you know,
I don’t do sadness
not even a little bit.
Just don’t need it in my life
don’t want any part of it.
I don’t do sadness,
hey I’ve done my time
looking back on it all
then it blows my mind,
I don’t do sadness
so been there.
Don’t do sadness
just don’t care.

Yes, I’m done with sadness. But I still care.