Unrequited but still as sweet

I’ve been to 3 life-transforming gatherings (camps/retreat) in the past month. And without fail, conversations always end up in one topic: Love life.

What’s with the fascination? Is it the exposure to the raging hormones of almost a hundred teenage campers? Or hormonal imbalance on the part of seemingly mature twenty-something humans, maybe? Has it got something to do with the fact that 90% (or some equally and ludicrously high proportion) of my co-counselors and staff are still single? And most of us from birth, by choice. Seemed like the ants came out in droves not just because of crazy weather but because of the sheer amount of mushiness discussed.

Thank God for older, wiser, more experienced people who willingly and honestly shared their stories. Their insights, encouragement and rebukes definitely helped me put things in perspective. I gained a treasure trove of learnings the past month from overnight and/or stolen conversations about love, life and why I do what I’m doing. And lost a lot of sleep processing all that information in consequence.

In summary, I’ve learned that it is important to:

To make friends and thus make time for them.

To be willing to fall, make mistakes and get back up again.

To be willing to catch instead of abandon others in the circle.

To be in community and not isolated.

To find and be with people with similar / complementary passions.

That there is NO one God’s will…. or dot/tightrope line that I must stay on else I will be doooooommmed!!!

That God gave me a brain and I must use it. And a heart too, likewise.

That theorizing has limits (but I still love doing it because I am an unabashed geek/nerd).

That idealism has its place.

To view time and experiences in segments.

To err on the side of grace.

To end, here is an excerpt from Adaptation, starring Nicolas Cage, Meryl Streep & Chris Cooper and directed by Charlie & Donald Kaufman. The script and the following comment was from a KCmate who shall not be named for security reasons ;-P

Charlie: Remember Sarah in High School, when you were flirting with her?

Donald: How can I ever forget, I was so in love with Sarah.

Charlie: But did you know that the moment you’re gone, she and her friends were laughing at you, calling you names?

Donald: I did.

Charlie: But why? You were so happy?

Donald: I loved her so much. That love was mine. It’s for me to own and nothing can snatch it from me, even Sarah. Whom we love makes us what we are not who loves us. I decided that a long time ago.

This can be the perfect motto for unrequited love. Yet from the other angle, I cannot resist to be struck awed by such love a pure. Love given so abundantly and not a kernel of thought spent to expect a response. Love is Donald’s means and end, that Sarah’s refusal tantamount to her loss. There is not a thing wasted for Donald, but celebration in every detail as there is so much happiness to savor in love.

I hope I can be like Donald, no regrets, no expectations only savoring the sweetness of the given. Would you want to be like Donald?