Entries from January 2009 ↓

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Things I’ve accepted:

1. Enjoying food means getting ribbed for the added pounds… It’s worth it. I can still climb up to the 3rd floor Educ library or the MRT Quezon Avenue Station while lugging a dozen thick hardbound books… without gasping for air.

2. I’d rather be happily single than miserably attached.

3. I can’t please everyone…. and I do not have to.

4. Full time studies and full time work do not mix.

5. With great freedom comes … its own barrel load of consequences. Enjoy!

6. I am nocturnal.

7. The Sabbath is a command, not an option.

8. The wages of procastination is cramming.

 

Things I’ve changed:

1. QT at lunch time instead of before bedtime. Praying immediately, and interceding during the commute.

2. Committing to work in the afternoon instead of forcing myself to wake up a mere couple of hours after I went to bed.

3. Studying away from home is the best option. Kopi Roti, here I come.

4. Looking feminine is part of honoring God.

5. Out of the saltshaker, into the world. Out of the sanctuary, into the marketplace.

6. Saying no and meaning it.

7. Knowing where I’m not needed or wanted…. and keeping away from these situations.

8. Choosing which to keep and which to let go of.

 

Wisdom needed here:

1. I will be living with them for the next couple of years.

2. Self-control is a lifelong struggle.

3. No pain, no gain. No thesis, no diploma.

4. Loving food requires learning how to cook.

5. Focus is a prerequisite of mastery. Major in the majors, minor in the minors.

6. Balance balance balance.

7. I have to change first before he/she/it does. Extra grace required.

8. Being still.

Extremes, here I go again. When opportunity knocks, either I’m impulsive or I’m indecisive.

When I’m impulsive, oppotunity barely has time to darken my doorway before I slam the door open and drag it screaming and kicking inside.

But when I’m indecisive, like right now… nuninuninuninuni.

Why? Because it just seems too good to be true. Which made me doubt myself. Which made me freeze. Which made me do a national survey of what I should do next. Which led a lot of my friends to rebuke me, both gently and not-so-gently.

Why again? Because I want it all. I don’t want to give up a single minute of my uber-planned, overflowing, hyperbooked schedule. I’ve gotten very comfortable in my cocoon of actvities and groups and work and classes and papers. Stuffy, but safe. And I do not want to burn any more bridges.

Why finally? Because I’m still not that good at that “Trust and Obey” thing. Sad but true.

Time to learn, then.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.”

2 Timothy 1:7

All I ever have to be
Lord it’s what you have,
and wanted me to be

Everything I have within me
worships you
This one life I have
I offer up to you

My heart, my hope
My strength and my will
My plans, my past
My future and still

All I possess
And all of my best
This one life I have
I live for you

This song was composed by Ate Dot Velardo for Kawayan Camp 2004 in Cebu… After listening to my LCDC 2k4 memory tape, I remembered that  I like this camp song way better than ours (KC 2k3….Satyuraaaaayte….mhay-sowl….hehe).

This is my song for 2009. =) Need I explain?

NB: Necklace photograph by Aldrin, during the weekend pictorial at Bacoor.

I saw this survey at ate Charms blog…she said that she got it from one of my old posts, but I can’t seem to find my version. So here is a review of 2008, with guide questions:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Lets see…go to Zambales, become a Kawayan Camp counselor, stay in an Ifugao house for a month, walk barefoot on rice paddies, study the Bible systematically (LGI), become a full time graduate student, give two talks on the Holy Spirit (Ifugao and Silang camps), have a niece, sleep in a tent/sleeping bag, ride topload in Ifugao, work in UP Diliman, take pictures for documentation, join a Kairos course, go on a purely recreational trip without my parents!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Some, not all. Make more? ahhh…ummm… Things to learn na lang.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Tons of them, there was a virtual flood of babies last 2008! 1 in my immediate family (little munster), 2 from my cousins, 1 from my uncle, 2 from former officemates, and lots from other friends.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
None thank God.

5. What countries did you visit?
Provinces of the Philippines na lang: Laguna, Zambales, Tarlac, Bulacan, Bacolod, Baguio, Ifugao, Tagaytay/Silang, Imus Cavite, Antipolo, etc.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A teaching/training job that will complement my MA, so that I can be financially independent again, and will give me information for my thesis. A scholarship would be nice too. Travel outside the country…Israel. An outdoor camp where I’m a camper.

7. What date/s from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 1-May 5: Kawayan Camp 2008
March 21 -  resignation from CTT
May 24 – birth of the 3rd generation Mariano
October 24- November 1: Ifugao Camp
8. What was your biggest achievement/s of the year?

Discipleship, my GWA for the first semester as a full time Grad student, served in 3 camps, helped organize several camps and retreats, back to leading a Bible study after 3 years’ hiatus.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Overcommitment, crazy schedule, erratic attendance… using up my rainy day fund, disobeying the 4th commandment… going back on my word, not finishing what i started

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
yup, asthma had a comeback, several bouts of fever/colds/body pains. lotsa headaches due to stress. Oh yeah, i chipped my front tooth again.
11. What was the best thing you bought?

2nd hand Ipod

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Definitely not mine..

13. Whose behavior appalled you and made you depressed?

Who else? Sigh.

14. Where did most of your money go?
keeping me alive while I’m corporate jobless and concentrating on studies… also for travelling for camps/retreats/seminars. and eating, of course

15 What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Bacolod in the summer and Ifugao in the sembreak

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I’m yours and Breakaway

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? I’ll say I’m happier; I’ve got more freedom and learning, and less stress
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter… i’ll be thinner come hell/finals week
iii. richer or poorer? poorer financially, richer in other things that matter more
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

prioritizing and waking up on time!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

eating, spending money, sleeping late, surfing the net

20. How will you be welcoming the New YEar?
with a satiated smile… burp
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Eros no, philo a lot… plenty of new friends

23. What was your favourite TV program?

pushing daisies (cable), house and heroes (dvds)
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
thankfully, i have no reason to.

26. What was the best book you read?

The Bible. Of course.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
That practice tracks can only do so much.. and that I can sing solo pala.

28. What did you want and get?
dynamic learning, meaningful relationships, discipleship…and an affirmation of my calling

like ate charms, freedom and rest, and of course travel hehe =)

and being able to watch 3 musical plays: Cinderella, West Side Story and a Christmas Carol

29. What did you want and not get?
teaching/training job, flat uno GWA sa MA, new clothes/shoes, a healed body clock

30. Favorite film of this year?
None struck me this year… My benchmark is the LOTR trilogy, so my standards are pretty high. And geeky.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was in Tarlac with my accountabilty triad and my family. the triad slept over and we abused the videoke, and ate a lot and talked all night on the rooftop. I was 25.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

if it’s clean, comfortable, and still fits, go!
34. What kept you sane?
Friends, Food, Faith, Music….. and www.tarits.com, rant-ville.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nada

36. Who is your real-person crush?
Too many and too changeable to mention. Every other month iba… wala halos nung last half ng year.

37. What political issue stirred you the most?
all of them. Let’s vote in 2010! Please!

38. Who did you miss?
the Singles club, sobrang sepration anxiety ako nung first quarter ah. pero okay na ako ngayon.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
2 sila e: Bibang and Kuya Manolo

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

obedience is better than sacrifice

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year

I’m broke but I’m happy
I’m poor but I’m kind
I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah
I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed (yeah!)
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby (definitely)

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I’m sober (the effect of sleeplessness is like consuming alcohol)
I’m young and I’m underpaid (sigh)
I’m tired but I’m working, yeah (sigh again)
I care but I’m worthless 
I’m here but I’m really gone (mentally absent)
I’m wrong and I’m sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette (holding a coffee cup)

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet (who has?)
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I’m free but I’m focused (i wish…)
I’m green but I’m wise
I’m shy but I’m friendly baby (haha! i’m never shy)
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken shit
I’m sick but I’m pretty baby (of course)

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano (frustrated pianist, i am)

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything’s just fine fine fine
I’ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab… (anywhere but here and back again…)

*****AND LASTLY!!!
1) GOALS/DREAMS FOR THE NEW YEAR:
Finding my niche… and who I will share it with (hahaha!)
2) PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEXT YEAR ON:
A. LOVE – let’s pray…
B. CAREER – sticking with MA, hoping for teaching/trainign experience to make those theories come to life. And I consider ministry as a career too. =)

I TAG: Praise, Ate Maurice, Chuza, Carmi, Darlene, KC, Tatint, Jam, Joni, Elaine, Normi, and Bijoi.

The news keep on pounding that it’s a crazy, saddening, infuriating, depressing and fallen world we are in right now. Current events made me remember this quote from the Lord of the Rings – The Two Towers:

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are.

It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.

Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. They kept going because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

Nais kong maihip ng hanging walang patutung’han
Parang ibong wala ring hangarin kundi ang lumipad nang lumipad
Nais kong lumipad

Nais ko ring maagos ng alon saan man mapadpad
Kahit na isdang mumuntiin, hangari’y lumangoy nang lumangoy
Nais kong lumangoy

Nais kong malibot ang mundo sa kanyang kasuluk-sulukan
Nais kong makita ang paligid kong puno ng kagandahan
Nais kong makadama ng kakaibang damdamin kahit minsan man lang
Habang ako ay may buhay, wala nang hangarin pang tunay
Nais ko…nais ko…nais ko…

Nais kong maulit muli ang buhay
Kung may pagkakataon upang mamalas
Ang mga bagay-bagay na ‘di ko natanto sa aking buhay
Nais kong lumipad(5x)

(music and lyrics by Ryan Cayabyab)

I will learn to pray. Powerfully and prophetically, believing that God is able and willing to answer. I will also learn to become an intercessor, praying not just for myself but for others.

I will learn to be present. In the here and now. Present, not late or absent. Making the most of kairos, God’s perfect time.

I will learn to persevere. It’s not all about fun and games. Things of worth and excellence are often difficult. Especially this.

I will learn to prioritize. Focus. Keep the main thing the main thing, major in the majors. Jesus agenda first and foremost. Relationships over activities, memories over possessions.

I will learn passion. For the right things. I will learn how to keep it alive in my spirit. I will learn how to share it with and impart it to others. I will learn to live with an all consuming, contagious joy.

I will learn to practice. More than words, theories or concepts. It’s time to apply what I’ve learned.